California Scheming
by Madness-and-Corona
Summary: Because she's a beach bunny in a metallic bikini and this is what sunglasses were invented for. #TyzulaTuesday drabble series.
1. Shiny

**A/N:** I promised myself I would only do oneshots for #TyzulaTuesday but then I liked this AU way too much to quit after one vignette.

* * *

 **I:** Shiny

* * *

"ZuZu, you are being inappropriately judgmental," Azula said coldly on the sweltering day and Katara snickered.

 _"ZuZu,"_ she muttered under her breath, but he didn't react to the archaic nickname.

He seemed to be _concerned_ about Azula's assimilation into this dreadful culture.

He had no reason to be, despite Azula's lingering shock about the fact that she made this kneejerk decision, and she had ceaselessly wondered if it was worth it since she first arrived.

However, today Azula had decided that perhaps the beach was not as terrible a place as she imagined. Why? Because it warranted sunglasses… and no one could see what she was looking at behind sunglasses. Unless you were Zuko, apparently. Ugh.

"I'm not being judgmental at all. I think it is not at all horrible of you to be leering at that young woman over there," Zuko said with his eyes fixated on Katara. Azula admirably repressed her gag.

"Your sarcasm is not even funny because you're so terrible at it," Azula replied before lying down and then lying like a rug by saying, "I was not looking at _her_ ; I was looking at her confusingly shiny bikini. Maybe I want one like that. You don't know me."

Zuko did not know if he should laugh or not at the idea of his sister ever desiring a metallic, glimmering pink bikini. He went with _not_ because it wasn't a pleasant image. This morning Zuko had already wanted to throw several towels over her the minute she was noticed by shameless men who didn't even bother to hide their stare behind their douchebag Ray-Bans. He did not think he could survive her leaving the house looking like that when she already was in navy Daisy Dukes with the matching tiny top.

"I actually know her," Katara remarked, abandoning her pathetic excuse for a sandcastle and crawling back over to the towels Zuko and Azula were lying on. She never liked to be on the sand; she always preferred to be immersed in the glistening water swimming or surfing, and therefore had no idea what to do with herself today.

"You do?" Azula asked icily, gently pushing her sunglasses down the bride of her nose and meeting Katara's gaze.

Zuko rolled his eyes and sighed because his fiancée had now unknowingly kicked off a disastrous sequence of events. Somehow, she had yet to realize over the past two days living with Azula that his sister was _definitely_ the devil in disguise.

"Yeah. She went to high school with me," Katara said, shrugging.

Azula feigned disinterest and if they didn't buy it they didn't say so. "I'm going to go swimming."

"You hate swimming," Zuko protested but Azula just walked away, trying to brush the sand off of her ivory skin.

She hated sand. She hated beaches. She hated swimming. She hated her brother and his dumb hippie surfer fiancée. She hated her father for sending her here and telling her if she had such a problem with it she could _live with her mother instead_.

 _"You said you loved me!"_ was a completely appropriate reaction to his imposition.

The water glistened in the sunlight as if it were studded with transparent sequins. Azula lifted her eyes from it and easily found metallic bikini girl in the crowd of people who for some reason thought swimming in the ocean was okay.

And, finally Azula got lucky about _something_ , because the girl was walking towards her. Not at her, but close enough that Azula could play this off as magnificently casual. The girl did stop by her, walking towards the water, and she smiled warmly at Azula.

"You're Zuko's sister right?" was literally the worst way this attempt at sex on the beach could begin.

"Sure," Azula said after managing to pry her jaw open. How dare he allow anyone to discover that they were related. She made him _promise_ to introduce her as a distant cousin.

"Hi." The girl smiled so hard her eyes closed, and Azula walked forward into the awful, cold water before the girl shrieked in terror, "Oh my God watch your step!"

And that was the moment when a huge wave decided it would be hilarious to knock Azula face first into the water.


	2. Starlet

**II:** Starlet

* * *

Azula had ocean water in her nostrils.

In her hair. In her swimsuit. In her mouth.

The salt stung and there was a stench to it that she couldn't place. That wave had nearly _drowned_ her and she could not be livider if she tried.

She also could not be more embarrassed than when the pretty girl in the shiny bikini was the one to grab her hand and help her to her feet. And then, as Azula shook with pacific hypothermia, the bikini girl helped her onto the beach.

"Where's your brother?" Ty Lee asked sweetly and she might as well have been asking _Where's your mommy?_

But Azula had a headache and felt half-drowned, and so she loosely gestured to her brother and his horrible hippie girlfriend. Ty Lee walked with Azula and did not notice Katara's silent snickering or Zuko's ajar lips.

"Your sister just got attacked by the ocean," Ty Lee said with this huge smile.

Azula stumbled away from her and sat down, pretending that she did not have vertigo. She looked up at beach bunny and leaned back weakly. No, that did not work at all. Azula just had to hope that her natural sex appeal would pay off.

"I'll make sure she's okay," Zuko said with an evil smirk and Azula fought hard to suppress her scream of rage.

"Thanks." Ty Lee snapped the string on her bikini, looked quite awkward, smiled graciously again like a Disney Princess and then disappeared back into the crowd.

Azula crossed her arms. "I hate the beach."

She lied back and was just glad that she loved the sunshine. It was the _only_ reason she did not just run away from home when her dad decided to move without her.

When Azula rolled over to not face _Katara_ and _Zuko_ , she saw the only good thing that had happened to her in a month.

It was Ty Lee's bag. It was Ty Lee's bag.

She forgot it when she helped Azula over here.

And, remorselessly, Azula snatched it and shoved it into her own.

* * *

In Zuko's stupid ice cold apartment, Azula had dried off and made herself attractive again when she decided to open up the tote bag she found. Zuko was shaking his head admonishingly nonstop, but Azula ignored him as she looked through.

She found make-up, a magazine, other dull, girly things…

And then she found a laminated folder and hastily opened it. If anything had personal information, this would.

Azula glanced it over only once before she knew her plan and smirked.

"It's an acting resume," Azula said, looking up at her brother. Zuko now loudly groaned.

"You're turning into our father."

"I didn't even tell you what I was going to _do with it_. I could be planning to valiantly return it and have my good deed rewarded."

"You're going to exploit her young, somehow-uncrushed dreams of becoming a starlet in order to get her to have sex with you."

Azula turned up her palms. "Yes, ZuZu, yes I am."


	3. Twirling

**III:** Twirling

* * *

Azula had no trouble getting _invited_ to the party.

She had slightly more trouble _doing well_ at the party.

Fortunately, she instantly found her target. Because her target was already the center of attention, twirling around like some kind of exotic dancer in the makeshift spotlight of a fluorescent kitchen light. She looked so pretty, sunkissed and all in _pink_.

"Girl who fell in the ocean!" Ty Lee called out and she walked through the crowd at Azula.

And so the gazelle pranced directly at the lioness. It was not the smartest animal on the savannah, certainly, but it worked in the lioness's favor.

"Hi, Ty Lee. I brought your bag. You kind of dropped it," Azula purred and Ty Lee smiled so wide that it would break a lesser woman's face.

Azula handed it to her. She had put everything back in its place with impeccable certainty, but judging by the cellphone in her shirt, the displacement of her braid, the complete obliviousness to everything around her and the cheap beer bottle in one hand, she likely would not have noticed.

Ty Lee pulled away and smiled. "So, how about I introduce you to everybody?"

* * *

Azula met the assortment of awful people. She then realized that she was going to have to start her sophomore year of high school with most of these people in two short weeks. That was literally the most unpleasant thing Azula could think of at the time.

This was father's fault. This was all his fault.

"So, why'd you move?" Ty Lee asked, as she handed Azula a drink. Azula pretended to take a sip.

"My dad moved away for business and couldn't take me. He said I could go to my mother or my brother. My mother is a terrible person who abandoned me for her new husband and their little daughter. And so I thought my brother was a reasonable option," Azula said, feeling queasy as she spoke. She should not have been that open.

"Oh. My dad left and I have like six sisters," Ty Lee admitted and Azula felt slightly more at ease. "What does your dad do?"

"He's a movie producer. That's why Zuko moved out here. My dad bit the bullet and gave him a job at the company," Azula said, acting cavalier but using complete precision as she discussed father's work.

"A movie producer? What has he made?" Ty Lee asked and Azula casually listed, because she was always more than pleased to discuss it.

Father always said she was lucky and added, _my father just was a Wall Street suit and boring as fuck to talk about_.

Ty Lee had the widest eyes when it was over. Maybe she was a horrible person for this scheme, but it certainly was working.

"I love that." Ty Lee stared, looking like she was trying to hold back. "Do you want to dance with me?"

"I don't really dance."

"Oh, come on, let's just spin around kinda sexy. It's not hard." Ty Lee offered a hand.

And Azula twirled with her, with the knowledge that phase one of her plan was complete.

Also with the knowledge that she was extremely dizzy and Ty Lee smelled like tacky perfume and booze.


End file.
